I NEVER MEANT IT

While you tuned into some hard-hitting,high-volumed,highly pitched classical rock music version accessing your headphone obviously,just then the whole neighboring world seem to be switching in.. to muted version. The ultimate passion and craziness just crippled some of your nervous system’s action making you partially deaf and just eased off some of your reflexes and too much loud…you just keep on humming the song so confidently no matter how pathetic you could sound as you don’t have to bother the pain of listening that crap but poor innocent people around you have to bear it …same thing happens to us when we are too much overloaded with just one emotion at a time if you name it take your temper for example and at that juncture of time every other senses seem to be paralyzed. But trust me the aftereffect is huge. You are so annoyed at someone, you love that person ,care for that person too much and that’s why you have full right to exercise all your demand from that someone, you ignore them hurt them and you are hurting yourself too.You are not talking to them and you are silent to yourself too. But what important lesson which we automatically forget is that this precious moments passing by would never come back, and its too easy to lose and so hard to recover ..It was after my class tenth board exams the long vacation following and more then enough leisure time and joggling in those random thoughts of guiding your dreams through right track and just spending all the quality of time with my best friend shilpi, a rock star, a prankster and my punching bag…as I address her she is my “heroine” what will I do without you, when I don’t know which dress to pick, when I don’t how to manage my schedule, when I am not able to concentrate on one single topic, last night before exam almost avoiding a nervous breakdown, there she is my angel just one phone call away, and not to mention I still wonder how she handles my fluctuating fuming temper and my changing moods to add. Extreme patience and understanding makes her so special. One bright sunny morning I wake up feeling little bore, this holidays ah! Giving so much less options to move my lazy ………I still somehow manage to reach the phone called shilpi up ,as we were picking up and me surfing through the morning newspaper …I caught a new movie at the block …I quickly retaliate shilpi its’ it today’s plan noon show movie running at the nearest theatre my this months pocket money is just waiting to get detached from me ..you just come to my house with your “dhanno” that’s our royal ride shilpi’s scooty .Shilpi unfortunately couldn’t agree as well “no,nah not mood that’s a lofty movie I hate that hero and the story is so typical not my type”.But people should learn from me of being stubborn to every height.You are coming else I won’t listen to you ,never ever…won’t even talk to you,you always say how our friendship is apart from any moods and individualism. Last weekend I went with you to your boring cousin’s house just for your sake so that you won’t feel pissed off….its your job now to make up my mood..shilpi has her excuses ready “you know nah I have caught so much of bad cold I am thinking to visit our family doctor today,the movie next week for sure” I was too tough to get convinced .come on shilpi you can visit him tomorrow ,you are not having any fatal disease you can even visit him while coming back from the theatre ,no more arguments 11 am sharp you with dhanno should be meeting me in front of the theatre ,don’t worry the treat is on me you would my special beloved guest shilpi “no no,no,listen dear not today” me “no if not today not anyday ,if you not make it today mark my words I would never talk to you again,wouldn’t you come just for me?”shilpi again just listen “don’t know why some intuitions are coming in want to stay at home today with mom not feeling good “ I am getting little hot headed don’t come with so dumb excuses you are coming that’s it will meet you at the venue and just hung up the phone . I got up and by 11am was all dressed up and ready inbetween didn’t bother to notice my cellphone .then while I should be leaving took the phone up saw 6 missed calls needless to say those were from shilpi’s landline to avoid any more confusion that would destruct my determination instead of calling her up and again giving scope for any argument ,I SMSed her “I am on my way, I would get there and buy the tickets for avoiding the last minute rush ,make it on time my dearest shilpi” I reached the place almost 15 minutes before the stipulated time . I bought two balcony tickets ..investigated all the nearby stalls sneak-peaking through the latest magazines …people in couples or families making it to the theatre no such crowd to mob the matinee show and me roaming aimlessly so disgusting to wait for somebody ,just 10 minutes left for the show to start where are you shilpi? Murmuring to myself you won’t come? how rude? Your wish is all so much important to you ,I have my self esteem too I won’t call you again, I would prefer to watch the movie alone before the interval befitted on one seat and post break on the other chair.,no more time left entered the theatre in a pretty bad mood little disheartened very much angry how you could ditch me this way? I could hardly watch the movie different sort of thoughts crowding my mind “got example of true friendship ,nobody cares in this rude world!” then in the interval my mobile started vibrating I took the phone out it was shilpi I just wished to smack my mobile up I couldn’t watch the movie too anymore just followed the exit way and I am standing outside the theatre . I smsed her “ got true taste of your friendship ,I have lost all the temperament to talk to you bye!” that was all my anger speaking, but deep down I knew after two three days my temper would come down but still…is her mood which is all so important to her?? As when you are clubbed with temper it’s the “YOU” which you only hear without offering any consideration to the other’s side. Complaining ,feeling irritated ,all buzzed up I reached home ,the evening , the night followed with not even a single call from shilpi ,that even raise my temper more “she is not at all bothered whether I call her or not ,since so many years of our friendship things certainly have changed, I have been running all my imaginations wild assuming all sort of reasons and pretending to be so angry at her still somewhere very much concerned and worried!!” Next day it was 4’o clock in the morning our landline was ringing so loud I heard it but my lousy sleep resisted me from receiving it, but suddenly I could here no more noise, then the next thing I could here was my door being knocked so hastily, I somehow dragged myself and opened the door ,I saw my mother ,she sounded so serious ,calm and numb asked me “quick come and take the phone, its shilpi’s mother” I said her mother,why? Mom just interrupted ”there is no time for discussion ,you take the phone,& I am getting ready” what? Then I hesitatingly held my ear by the receiver, I heard aunty weeping so loud ,she could hardly utter anything ,some words which I collected and struggle to make out a complete sentence were no more no more…….shilpi wanted to talk to you for one last time…even in the last moment she took your name, she was sorry, she wanted to meet you but her meeting with the almighty was already predestined and she just couldn’t speak anymore her throat got choked and the call ended.. My whole world got struck for the time being all my thoughts were muzzled up, all I could see was shilpi’s smiling so jolly face and her dazzling smile in front of me ,I couldn’t move my mom somehow drag me to her home just at two blocks distance, as by then her body which would never possibly again be rejuvenated back to life will reach her home from the hospital . I couldn’t even dare to think how all this happened ,I made it there ,I could see many people and shilpi lying there so calmly, her face totally distorted by one angle, still she had the guts to smile, thankfully the cloth around her couldn’t expose those multiple scratches and wounds around her body, she despite her mood went for the movie ,but on the way she had to meet with something so dreadful ,a rash driven car hit her dhanno from back and she just skid onto a local bus’s back wheel and the bus just went over her …I can’t even imagine the theatre was only one crossing away from her home but sometimes without the will of the god you can’t even take one extra step. It was all because of me I forced her to get out of her house against her will ,her intuition was right ,all because of my hassle ,even in her that terrible condition she wanted to talk to me she called me ,she was sorry for not making to the movie, even then to her our friendship was more important than her pain, oh my holy heaven! I wish I could have heard her for the last time ,its all my fault, I should have listened to her ,I was so blindfolded with my anger, my priorities ,and my everything and lost the ultimate moment of our togetherness and left with only repentance and regrets ,for one whole month I couldn’t talk to anybody but we all have to move on and live with only the memories of lost ones ,but what I have lost is lost forever ,a true friend like her ,every bonding and feeling we share and still left with the prejudice that I am so important when it comes to being me and meeting my priorities first ??God though always listen to me that day when I came out of the theatre I wanted not to talk to shilpi for never ever…and that mighty person took it pretty seriously ,so even if out of anger or even if we sincerely mean something we should be careful what we ask for ,what we speak coz it might just turn true……….