Saturday, August 11, 2012

WanderLust


Life is a mystery, especially when you don’t know what is right or what’s wrong. But as long as you have your youth, you are allowed to repeat your mistakes, nobody minds if you are little restless. Everyone understands if you take your time to choose between the worse and worst.
Still in everybody’s life one day comes when eventually we have to give life a serious perspective, fortunately or unfortunately it was the night before my 24th birthday. Unlike every year the day about to arrive wasn’t making me feel any special, the very thought of continuous ringing of my cellphone after 12’o clock was making me uncomfortable. I don’t want to waste another year of my life, not scared of the number actually, it’s not because I am growing old, but the urge within me saying I need to add more meaning in my life.
What the heck, I decided to embark on an adventure, the last adventure of my 23rd year. To bid my 23rd year good-bye in style, I convinced myself I have still 4 hours of this golden year left. I purposely left my phone in my office drawer, couldn’t ignore the wallet for security reasons.
I decided to do nothing right that day, but yet made a pact with myself; I am not going to regret it later. I just want to start my 24th year clean, so tonight I was allowed to be little spoilt. First I headed towards a tattoo parlor, as I always wanted one, I convinced myself I am grown enough to take the pain. But a tiny butterfly on my neck made me so loud, that the sound proof glasses of the parlor was about to crack. Plus I scared the handsome guys’ rest two customers away.
I then decided to dissolve my pain a little, I always wanted to take few tequila shots, but was never blessed with the right opportunity. So next I found myself sitting in a pub surrounded by bunch full of strangers, being a Friday night the place was picking up good business, and its amazing how loud music attracts us young generation. It’s like music that loud can shut all the nonsense going on and on in your mind. I easily gulped down two tequila shots, was on verge of taking my third one, looks like I have underestimated my drinking capability way too much, cause I could still think by my mind. But couldn’t help but enjoy the buzz, the electrifying feel making into me, troubleshooting all my senses.
But every good thing reaches its end, and I decided the feeling should remain good only if I stop here. I assembled myself made my way out of the pub, I could still stand on my two feet which meant I was doing ok. I was ignoring the fact that only after my first shot everything was spinning around me. I dropped my wallet on my way out; before I could actually lean over an over-friendly guy did the honor for me. He started the conversation by saying “you are welcome”, at least saved me the effort of thanking him. He introduced himself as if I was dying to make new contacts. But can’t help noticing that he was cute, but didn’t figure out whether it’s the alcohol effect which made the world so sweet around me.
I also passed him a soft smile, and invented a fake name for him; why not squeeze more fun of that night. I was Ananya for him, the name which I always imagined to be my incognito name. He was so desperate to strike a conversation, which made me wondered his intentions, did he confused my drunken state with my easy availability or vulnerability. But tonight I was given the liberty to take risks, to entertain charming strangers. We were crossing a coffee shop, he realized there were still 5 minutes left for the shop to close, he can still buy me a latte, if I agree to be little chatty over a cup of coffee. So what if we can’t sit and talk, we can still enjoy a long walk. He sure was unaware of my condition, and how long that walk is gonna appear to me. Duh!! But at times you need to act so interested na.
That night we found so many common interests, which I could have never discovered if I was my usual critical conscious self. As we were so keen to test our compatibility, we enquired each other’s sun-sign, one thing lead to another; he came to know my birthday. Looks like both Ananya and me was born on the same day. I was extra obedient that day, giving my decision making ability little rest, soon he got us tickets for the late night show in the nearby multiplex. Before the movie could start, he made me blow candles and cut fictitious cake from his weird but cute phone app. Then suddenly I remembered my vow of acting responsibly in the 24th year, I let him enjoy only first ten minutes of the movie. I rushed outside the theatre, and he followed. I didn’t have time to give explanation to him too; I somehow got a cab back home. I was polite enough to wave him a good bye.
My 24th birthday was fun, though I missed lot of important calls, birthday wishes. But on your birthday you are expected to throw little tantrums, whatever you do, you still will be the center of attraction. Sometimes though memoirs of your stupid mistakes, meaningless escapade somehow add meaning to your life.





Saturday, May 7, 2011

Big gals don’t cry…




I still remember the incident, it was my pre-nursery days; I can very well pronounce my name, my house number, street number, even rhyme all the 26 letters of English alphabet in unison. I remember it was summer time, gariahat market all set to welcome Bengali New Year in full spirit, all aunties, didima, mashima geared up to bag their best baisakh sale offer, my mother with no exception, couldn’t resist the temptation of lagging behind, and spoiling my mid-day nap, she took me for her shopping. Back then too I didn’t get to exercise my rights, wasn’t given the liberty to say NO, so before I could realize, I was already in the market roaming from one shop to another, with repeated earnest requests to Ma that I can’t walk that much, I too need rest. Ma was so engrossed in shopping with utmost concentration, that wandering from one shop to shop, she even dared to forget that she made her daughter sit in the previous shop as she too was tired of my constant demands, and her obedient, calm and quite daughter was just following her strict instructions to not to go anywhere else. It took two more shop hopping before Ma could discover that I was not by her side, and by then my weeping was loud enough to reach her even two shops afar. Just then Ma’s whole shopping spree vanished at the spur of the moment; she rushed and reached me as fast as she could. She hugged me tightly, and as if promising me that she will never leave me alone, in this hostile world filled with complete strangers.She comforted me slowly, so that I could recover from the shock, soon my tears disappeared, and was again introduced to a friendlier world. But back then I was at the liberty to express whatever I feel, to long for unreasonable things as up till then my cravings were still considerable. Being a little girl, if I urge for a toy, and by chance was unable to get that, then I was given the liberty to cry aloud, my nagging was at least tolerable, at worst conditions I could be tagged as little spoilt, nothing more rude than that. Moreover my innocent cries seemed cute to the world.
But as we grew up, things changed, we learnt to hide our emotions; we learnt the important lesson to smile no matter whatever pain we might be going through, and got to evolve as a greater individual. Life taught us to keep our deepest secrets unearthed, to deal with the multiple heart-breaks through all those love-hate relationships, the trust which got broken and wasn’t fixed back, to forget the promise which wasn’t kept at all, overcome the memories which was not that sugar-coated, to set free all those sleepless nights. We fool the world with the perfect plastic smile. But whatever is it, we no longer need to cry…………………………………………………………..

YOU CAN !!


Shooting stars make us believe that things will surely change,
Unreachable destinations once will be reached,
Guiding all your energy into tracking your unattainable dreams,
Isn’t such a waste of time after all!!!!!!!
Your every desire, unreasonable cravings are actually worth it!

Destiny has planned something else for us….
Stars which are themselves itinerant,
Falling from the sky, on the verge of crash;
Can lighten our darkest night????
Fulfill our greatest wish???

GOD who can’t speak for himself
Can he answer our countless prayers???

We yearn for things beyond limit,
Follow our heart, our faith unquestionably...
We do stumble, we stop walking for a few time;
But nobody can stop us from moving on.
If one dream stays unfulfilled;
Our keener soul still perceives a bigger dream;
God may not speak, but a voice deep down within
Urges for more and more…..
Shooting stars may be destined to be short-lived…
But nobody remembers their fall,
But their eagerness to discover the unknown,
The effort to rise even higher….

You may give up every day;
Mourn for those, which you never had,
And miss on the chance, which you might have one day!!
Things may not go your way,
Your fortune may play hide and seek with you,
But once you dig into the gamble called life,
You may loose every bit of yourself,
But ultimately you will be left with only one option;
"Just winning"!!










Wednesday, March 24, 2010

YOU KNOW ME





Mirror, mirror on the wall;
Can you really show?
What sort of person I really am??

On a not so happy but bright morning;
You witness my genuine concern!!!!!
Concentrating on my forehead
The small but glowing red
Pimple capturing my enough attention??
What a disturbing and depressing way
To start a day……………
Am I always that self-obsessed??
Or
Its just a followed effect of my self-consciousness.

Again that long drawn summer afternoon;
I returned home for that long awaited individual ness.
I could then only face you;
My throat breaking shrill cries,
And already swollen eyes.
Didn’t knew when to stop???
The pain that you don’t deserve something ???
Or am I not brave enough to face any rejection.
It even kills to make oneself understand and adjust!!

The dark chilled winter evening;
When my anger have given up every obligation.,
But couldn’t hide from you the real suffering inside;
How can those things be even said about me??
However superficial I might appear ??
But I do care what anybody feels for me??
When somebody backstabs , or manhandles your trust ..
You may appear strong
But it’s just a delicate layer of inner-shelter !!!

Remember the night,
I spent hours ,giggling in front of you!
There was no definite reason….
But at some point I can’t even stare at myself??
In a little playful psyche ,was enough absent minded!!
Attempting to hide from myself ,but was seeking only me!!
Once it for all, I fell in love with myself again………….

I keep on questing you just about everyday!!
But somehow it surrounds me ,me & only me!!

Mirror, mirror on the wall;
Can you really show?
What sort of person I really am??

Thursday, February 11, 2010

FLAME OF HOPE


Blowing the seventieth candle ,
Feeding a little slice of cake,
To his beautiful wife,
Glowing by the panache of the candle-lit room,
Though her wrinkle face couldn't carry the make-up anymore,
But to him this face of vigor still keeps him going.....
Counting their days to heaven
Beseeching only one hope,
Together with smile
They can
Rest for AWHILE!!!!


A still and frozen winter night,
Managing some warmth,
By a street bonfire.
The vagabond just ontenterhooks;
before his hands,
actually sense the heat,
Sufficient are the stock of woods???




The flame is brighter than ever,
just before the phase,
it will actually go off!!
The candle-stand covered in molten wax
The aroma of scented candles
Fused with the poise of the perishing candle-flame!!
The beautiful lady beside perfectly accessorising ,
The radiant aesthetics
but with the slowly fainting ambiance ..
Her anxious eyes were invading weariness;
Couldn't stop that rolling drop of emotions!!
But just then the doorbell rang
What she instantly cared
was is she still looking stunning??
And her fluttering smile of worth
Help gleaming the room with the lost air of enthusiasm !!





Desires,and Deservings are two faces of a coin,
They can be felt together ???
Life helps us realize ;
"we truly deserve
whatever we desire"
If we are reasonable enough!!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Blue ON White




Riot of colours,
but I can see blue ,even if its just a dot!
A vast sky
but eyes of mine,can never miss
The little twinkling star!
At the heart of the Sea
so far from the beach?
But still what we observe is only the piece of land!
And the belief we are about to get there???


Long stretch of green ,
beside the beautiful white house;
The free happy singing winds
voicing the rhyme of liberty,
Swift flowing river
curving her way by the fence!
Harmless creatures grazing by the woods.
The sun is too kind to us
A palatable sight brushed with colours of heart!
The perfect world of happiness
Made by us ,lived by us
ITS only the will....
On the other side of the river,
Dry n rotten was everything....

Barriers made by us,
differences is not between us
but its only created in the mind
divided are not we,
but we don't dare to take the step
which will make us together;
LOVE, the only answer....


To prove
even now also we are very humane.
And we know to forgive and forget!
And can forward our hand of assurance,
AND can nurse greatest of wounds....
only if we wish
To conquer every evil and only to spread prosperity!!


Monday, February 8, 2010

MOODS WITH SEASONS


Mystic glasses soaked with dews of uncertainty,
you curved the letter on it ,
which showed me a new way!!


Bright was the day, scorching was everything around,

but walking with you I could hardly feel the sun!!

The wind was breezier,strokes of lightening aiming perfect targets,
but you help me overcome my every fear,
held me as if the wind could blow me away!!


My body only knew shivering,
those cold air of terror
just missed my ears ,
The fog was denser than ever

I saw you and waved my hand
But only could feel them moving,
my own eyes could hardly do the seeing,

But just when I was about to realize??
I am about to get lost,

you hugged me from back
AND I somehow knew
before every unknown you will be the only known!!!!




Just when I came to believe I had it all,
Someone just pulled me back ,
AND reality hit me hard,
Get up its just an unfulfilled DREAM!!